Gold to Lead
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: It was so unfair. The goblin had tasted gold and freedom thanks to the efforts of a hapless servant, only for that same servant to seal him back in his lead prison. Lead that, as it turned out, didn't taste half bad...


_A/N_

_Hopefully apparent, but for clarification, this is a take on events after the episode _Goblin's Gold_. Listening to the dangers of lead ingestion in uni prompted such an idea. Luckily, a goblin wasn't involved in such circumstances. 0_0_

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**Gold to Lead**

"Come on! Let me go ya drongos!"

The goblin didn't know what a "drongo" was. He didn't know what half of the insults he was sputtering out actually meant. He'd started off slow, begging the court of Camelot to let him out of his prison, warning them of the big eared twat of a sorcerer in their midst. But as it became clear that they wouldn't listen, as it became apparent that he was fated to remain in his lead prison, he grew desperate. Desperate even enough to call them a-…

"Your prison, goblin. Enjoy it."

The goblin pricked up a green ear, gathering a few facts in a few seconds. He'd stopped moving for starters, his prison residing in where the servant boy had originally found it. And given the sound of ever fading footsteps, the courtiers were content to leave him there. To reside in this hellhole, bereft of mischief, of gullible fools, even gold…

"**Gah!"**

Gold…even the mention was liable to send him over the edge.

Was there such a thing as fate as some in Albion believed? The goblin didn't know, but if fate _did _exist, he (or she, the magic user supposed) was as cruel as the king's ward, given what he'd learned while in the healer's body. He'd experienced freedom for a few days, had all the fun and all the gold he could have ever desired, only for it to be taken away by a pair of servants. The sweet taste of the world's most precious element, the enjoyment that could only come from giving a prince donkey ears…such pleasures were never to be experienced again.

Letting out another curse word that he didn't know the meaning to, the goblin thumped his hand against the lead-coated prison. Yelping, he felt as stupid as the big ears who trapped him.

Lead…the opposite of gold, at least by the tenants of alchemy. There was much talk of turning lead to gold in human circles, however rare the transformation actually was, not helped by magic being banned in Camelot. Yet the goblin had never heard of the process being reversed, of turning gold into lead. Certainly the latter element had its uses, as his current predicament demonstrated, but…well, it seemed that appreciation for the shinier substance was a universal constant.

_Gold…need gold…want its taste…_

The yearning had never been so bad before, and he'd only been in here a few minutes. By the powers of the Old Religion, he…needed it. Needed to taste something…anything…even lead…

For a few seconds, the goblin did nothing. A few seconds later, and he took his first lick of gold's opposite…

…it was surprisingly sweet.

Opening his eyes (having closed them in anticipation of retching), the goblin pondered this new revelation. He'd never tasted lead before, or even had the desire to. Gold tasted sweet and as its opposite, it stood to reason that lead would taste the opposite. But now, as a second lick demonstrated, lead was quite close to gold…heck, maybe it even exceeded it. Certainly a third lick of the gray substance leant credence to this.

_I was among this candy for all these years…and never realized it…_

Letting out a grin, the goblin began licking the lead as fast as a dog licked its master. He couldn't remove the lead completely, but that hardly mattered. He had all the substance he needed. A substance even sweeter than gold. The court had thought they'd condemned him to purgatory in this prison. In reality, they'd put him in a place even more beauteous than Avalon.

Laughing, the goblin continued to lick, revelling in the humour of the situation.

A few hundred milligrams of lead in his bloodstream later, and suddenly it didn't seem so funny.


End file.
